Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Asinine Euphemisms (2): Kick the can down the road to give the banks time to recapitalize
Gold-stater Asinine Euphemisms part 2:
"Let's Kick the can down the road to give the banks time to recapitalize!"
You hear this one a lot lately. In fact it's two clever euphemisms rolled into one steaming helping of meaninglessness.
First "Kick the can down the road." This means: "We have no *f*ing idea how to solve this God awful mess. Maybe our kids can figure it out." Somehow this has become not just a plausible political solution for all sorts of problems, but in many cases a desirable solution: as in "Well, Paul, the best we can hope for right now is to kick the can down the road."
Try that one out on your own creditors when they come calling. "Tell you what, Mr. Banker, let's just kick the can down the road a while. Why don't you get back to me in a few years and we'll see what we can figure out then." In fact, it should work for any problem in every facet of life. Have a spending problem? Don't worry, kick the can down the road. Drinking problem? Don't worry, kick the can down the road. Hooked on smack? No problem. Apply it in in any situation. Get creative.
Now, the second part says, in this case, that we're kicking the old can: "In order to "Give the banks time to recapitalize." What does this mean?
It means the banks are *f*ing broke. Dead broke. A banks that is not capitalized is a bank that is broke. Get it? They have more debt than assets. They're broke.
How will they "Recapitalize?" How will the get Un-Broke? Well, if the same bozos that ran the banks into the ground are still in charge, chances are they can't. If the economies where they operate are not growing chances are even if you replace the bozos with smart guys, they still still can't because they're deeply in debt.
So what can be done? You fire the bozos and close the banks. Then new ones with real assets run by smart guys can grow.
But wait a second. What about all the other banks that lose money because they made stupid loans to the Broke Banks?
Yeah, they lose lots of money too. They might have to close too.
Gee, that means lots banks will close and lots of people will lose lots of money. We can't have that. So what should we do?
I know: "Let's kick the can down the road to give the banks time to recapitalize!"