OMYGOD! STOP THE PRESSES! THE FED REMAINS ACCOMODATIVE!

Fed Keeps ‘Considerable Time’ Pledge as Growth ‘Moderate’(Does 'Moderate' mean Non-existant?)

By Jeff Kearns and Steve Matthews Sep 17, 2014 6:29 PM ET

Save

Sept. 17 (Bloomberg) -- Fed officials have stuck to their commitment to keep interest rates near zero for EVER AND EVER AND EVER  a "considerable time" after their bond buying program ends in October.  AND THEN RESTARTS IN 2015.  Fed Chair Janet Yellen held a press conference after the announcement. Here's everything you need to know in two minutes. (Source: Bloomberg)

The Federal Reserve stuck to its pledge to keep interest rates near zero for a “considerable time” FOR EVER AND EVER AND EVER after it stops buying assets, even as it VAGUELY outlined (WITH NO DETAILS) a strategy (Does 'strategy' mean bluff?) to exit from six years of unprecedented easing. 

“The labor market has yet (WILL NEVER) to fully recover,” Fed Chair Janet Yellen said at a press conference today after a meeting of the Federal Open Market Committee in Washington. “There are still too many people who want jobs but can’t find them.”

Yellen added that “inflation has been running below the committee’s 2 percent objective,” a contrast to the panel’s July statement that it was “somewhat closer” to its goal.